Garage Gazette
General Category => GENERAL DISCUSSION TO INCLUDE OFF TOPIC => Topic started by: lostmind on January 19, 2019, 10:07:23 AM
-
A Little Humor To Brighten Your Day
A woman is watching television when suddenly she yells, “Don’t go there! Don’t go to the church you dumb bitch!
Her husband hears her yelling and hurries into the room. He says, “What are you watching?”
She says, “Our wedding video.”
-
What happened to the humor thread old GG had?
-
What happened to the humor thread old GG had?
It vanished with the old site.
Sent from my XT1710-02 using Tapatalk
-
That's funny :))
-
Some mornings I wake up grouchy , but usually I let her sleep.
-
:))
-
*********************RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE***************
1.Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere..... But she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There
are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driversaid "No, jump in!"
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"
Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it...this is from the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word........ Just clean and simple fun!
-
Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it...this is from the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word........ Just clean and simple fun!
Are those Rodney Dangerfield quotes?
-
I agree with Pep -- humor these days, whether on a live stage, at comedy clubs, or on TV is mostly foul mouthed dribble. The true belly laughs were provided by classic comedians; no vulgarity.
watch Rickles slowly whip this crowd into full blown tears of laughter....
....same with Foster Brooks....
..........
-
.
-
...
-
Foster Brooks was hilarious!
Sent from my XT1710-02 using Tapatalk
-
Sent from my XT1710-02 using Tapatalk
-
....
-
A man and his young son are in the drug store and pass a display of condoms. The young boy asks his father what they are for and dad explains. The son then asks why they come in packs of three. Dad says those are for high school seniors one for Friday night and two for Saturday night. The young boy then asks about the six pack. Dad explains those are for college two for Friday night, two for Saturday night and two for Sunday. The young boy then asks about the twelve pack and dad says those are for married men one for January, one for February, ...
-
Marriage is like a three ring circus, the engagement rig, wedding ring and the suffer-ring.
Every man should get married as no man is complete until married, then he is finished.
-
.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190206/d584b17333e6990ae56f43b6e9493ade.jpg)
Sent from my XT1710-02 using Tapatalk
-
Some that I've heard:
The man is the head of the household - and the wife is the neck that turns it!
"I'm the head of this household....and I have my wife's permission to say so!"
Age is a matter of the mind. If you don't mind, then it doesn't matter.
-
Living in California is like living in a bowl of Granola - what ain't fruits and nuts are flakes!
-
Living in California is like living in a bowl of Granola - what ain't fruits and nuts are flakes!
Always loved that joke :))
-
OK, which one of you was this ....
-
Living in California is like living in a bowl of Granola - what ain't fruits and nuts are flakes!
Always loved that joke :))
California, once upon a time, a board the Big E, shipping out for carrier qualifications.
The standing joke was, "Why is there a fence around San Diego? Answer to keep the fruits from picking the people"
Some things never change
-
OK, which one of you was this ....
:))
Sent from my XT1710-02 using Tapatalk
-
I heard this some years ago from a woman comedian.
"Men think that the larger a woman's breasts are, the dumber she is. The truth is - the larger a woman's breasts are, the dumber the men are!" :D
-
...
-
.
-
...
-
...
-
...
-
...
My wife would go Ballistic !
-
From another forum , not my wife.
It was a gorgeous day so my wife and I were outside through most of it doing some spring yard work.
She goes back in the house to start making dinner. I couldn't find the rake and knew she was using it last. I see her through the kitchen window and holler at her. She makes a motion like she can't hear me. I holler louder. She still can't hear me. I still have to take the storm windows off that's probably why.
So I decide to use sign language. I point to my eye, then my knee, then make a raking motion. Pretty straight forward message right?
She replies by pointing to her eye, grabbing her left breast and shaking it, slaps her ass and then points straight at her crotch. I'm dumbfounded. She does the whole thing again. I throw up my arms, go open the back door and ask her what the hell she just said.
Her reply, "eye- left tit- behind- the bush"
-
...
My wife would go Ballistic !
Mandy would just go "really?!.... your a dumbass"
Sent from my XT1710-02 using Tapatalk
-
...
-
My wife used to collect hippo items. Of all the animals out there she thinks hippos are cute. Go figure! :-[
She has made me promise not to buy her any more hippo trinkets, as her collection has about outgrown the small glass/wood cabinet I got for her.
Anyway, at an estate sale place we came across this hippo statue-ette, and it was so perfect I had to get it for her. She was hesitant at first, but I brought her around. Only after we got to the front counter did she start pulling the price and ID tags off and she uncovered some funny quotes. The references to the Ark, SPF 300, the gal hippo in a bikini, and the return information are great for laughs! I thought I'd share.
-
The Pirate..
A sailor meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns recounting their adventures at sea. Noting the pirate's peg-leg, hook, and eye patch, the sailor asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
...
The pirate replies "We was caught in a monster storm off the cape and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as they were pullin' me out, a school of sharks appeared and one of 'em bit me leg off".
“Blimey!" said the sailor. "What about the hook?”
“Ahhhh...", mused the pirate, "We were boardin' a trader ship, pistols blastin' and swords swingin' this way and that. In the fracas me hand got chopped off.”
“Zounds!" remarked the sailor. "And how came ye by the eye patch?”
"A seagull droppin' fell into me eye", answered the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.
“Well..." said the pirate, "..it was me first day with the hook.”
-
:D :D :D
-
...
-
Wednesday:
Camel celebrity day
We have Secretary's day and now HUMP day
Pep
-
...
-
LOL ........... gotta love some folks sense of humor ...
-
...
:))
-
I have this small plastic pail of loose parts, knobs, and pieces of scrap in my shop. Just about everyone who comes in there and sees this pail laughs. I never really thought about it until this morning.
I had to come up with a statement that said what the odd stuff was - wasn't trying to be funny just descriptive, short and sweet.
So, while others have projects waiting for parts, I have this:
"Parts waiting 4 a project".
-
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs.
Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a
graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family
or friends, so the service was to be at the pauper's cemetery
in Nova Scotia back country. As I was not familiar
with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man,
I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had
evidently gone, and the hearse was nowhere in sight.
There were only the digger crew left --- and
they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized
to the men for being late.
I went down to the side of the grave and looked down
and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know
what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to
gather around. I played my heart and soul for this
homeless man and as I played "Amazing Grace,"
the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept,
we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up
my bagpipes and started for my car.
Though my head was hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the
workers say, "I never saw anything like that before,
and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
Apparently, I'm still lost....it's a man thing.
-
Haha
Sent from my E6910 using Tapatalk
-
.
-
I thought I was wrong once....but I was mistaken. ;D
-
Not wanting to cause a panic- dead birds in gardens in
Puke. Regional officers found over 200 dead crows near the racetrack last week and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist was called in examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu.
The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorbikes, while only 2% were killed by cars.
The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorbike kills versus car kills.
The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.
They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "bike".
-
Some of you will have experienced this.
-
An engineer was taking a walk when a frog spoke to him and said, if you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.
He picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke again and said, if you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, and I'll become your girlfriend.
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
The frog spoke again and said, If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,I'll become your wife.
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket again, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog said, What is the matter? I'm a beautiful princess. Why won`t you kiss me?
The engineer said,"Look, I'm a busy engineer. I don`t have time for a girlfriend or a wife, but a talking frog, Now, That's cool. :-\
-
...
-
An engineer was taking a walk when a frog spoke to him and said, if you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.
He picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke again and said, if you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, and I'll become your girlfriend.
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
The frog spoke again and said, If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,I'll become your wife.
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket again, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog said, What is the matter? I'm a beautiful princess. Why won`t you kiss me?
The engineer said,"Look, I'm a busy engineer. I don`t have time for a girlfriend or a wife, but a talking frog, Now, That's cool. :-\
I'm thinking there's a market for a woman you can put in your pocket and all she says is, "Kiss me!" :))
-
For those with daughters/granddaughters.
-
...
-
A six year old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa.
When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa's room ...
"Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"
"What?" said her Grandpa.
"Make a noise like a frog - because Grandma said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disney Land !"
-
...
-
...
-
...
Moon shot good one !
-
Why my package has not been delivered yet!
-
That's a good one rural. Years ago we needed a driver to get a background check before he could deliver a load of plywood and lumber to a construction site at Reagan's Star Wars gov't site. A driver volunteered and they submitted his info and received an all clear to send him out the next day. When he arrived at the jobsite and they checked his ID they drug him out of the truck at gunpoint. He had a failure to appear for a traffic violation that he didn't know about. ::)
-
:D :D :D
-
“Fall can be fun, but please be careful!”
From the 1950's Police Safety League booklet: "It's Great To Be Alive."
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20191017/2b3fd57dffd956a31a5b1d92644ca030.jpg)
Sent from my SM-G973F using Tapatalk
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20191027/bb942438347abc4e6a17e2b056c33576.jpg)
Sent from my SM-P600 using Tapatalk
-
I bet that purrs now. ;D
-
Any clue with Lostmind's profile shows as "Guest"?
-
Any clue with Lostmind's profile shows as "Guest"?
He said he is done here with the ads and tracking.
-
Well that sucks.
Lostmind, Best wishes and thanks for being here.
-
Walking to closest bar from my house takes five minutes while the walk home is 35. The difference is staggering.
-
Walking to closest bar from my house takes five minutes while the walk home is 35. The difference is staggering.
+1 -- very good!
-
Alright, which one of you guys is this?
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20191102/17dd86f9c8fe2bb0a72dfb7c3c4dce42.jpg)
Sent from my SM-G973F using Tapatalk
-
A little girl stood up in class and recited the story from the Bible about Jonah and the whale. Being a typical school the teacher was squirming the whole time the little girl talked.
When she was finished the teacher asked her, "How did Jonah survive in the stomach of the whale? All those acids and juices should have eaten him up."
The girl replied, "I don't know. When I get to heaven I'll ask Jonah about it."
The teacher then asked, "What if Jonah isn't in heaven?"
The girl thought for a moment and said, "Well, then you can ask him."
-
….
-
(http://i1250.photobucket.com/albums/hh538/tjmarbarger/Mobile%20Uploads/FB_IMG_1573127013395_zpsplyzgg7h.jpg) (http://s1250.photobucket.com/user/tjmarbarger/media/Mobile%20Uploads/FB_IMG_1573127013395_zpsplyzgg7h.jpg.html)
Sent from the twisted mind of the Mudman
-
How do you convert a gas into a solid?
Push harder. :-\
-
Oh these last three posts are great! :))
-
Oh these last three posts are great! :))
Thanks. I've actually had the Keith Richards one sitting in my humor folder as well.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20191112/5214a987a8fea094193134fc2d8bd62e.jpg)
Sent from my SM-P600 using Tapatalk
-
These may have been posted elsewhere, but fit in here. One is on my study desk, the other is my shop doorstop.
-
I don't have a pic but I used to have a sign in my business by the front door that read "Everyone brings brings joy to this shop some on the way in and some on the way out."
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20191120/01c8ad9c6e34657f9219c51cbb3f6e10.jpg)
Sent from my SM-G973F using Tapatalk
-
Flo Progressive
-
I actually kinda like the ingenuity on the turbo van, kinda Mad Maxish
-
Be some really bad turbo lag on the van. But it is pretty cool. I wonder if it’s functional or not
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20191121/837f58f811c7126cead5b7864e1915d8.jpg)
-
They look cute and cuddly, but the slightest thing can turn this beautiful creature into something so dangerous and violent that the toughest of men could be killed or maimed for life. Here you can see it cuddling a Bear.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20191124/f5a81b58ea1179de3e465b1744d37760.jpg)
Sent from my SM-P600 using Tapatalk
-
Yeah, blondes can be dangerous. :))
-
Yeah, blondes can be dangerous. :))
Redheads are worse -- they pretty much live their entire lives on an emotional razor thin edge.
-
Yeah, blondes can be dangerous. :))
Redheads are worse -- they pretty much live their entire lives on an emotional razor thin edge.
Im going to stay out if this one since someone reads the forum and is a redhead.... hidex
Sent from the twisted mind of the Mudman
-
Yeah, blondes can be dangerous. :))
Redheads are worse -- they pretty much live their entire lives on an emotional razor thin edge.
Im going to stay out if this one since someone reads the forum and is a redhead.... hidex
Sent from the twisted mind of the Mudman
My 3 ex-wives??
-
Yeah, blondes can be dangerous. :))
Redheads are worse -- they pretty much live their entire lives on an emotional razor thin edge.
Im going to stay out if this one since someone reads the forum and is a redhead.... hidex
Sent from the twisted mind of the Mudman
My 3 ex-wives??
Nah my current one lol
Sent from the twisted mind of the Mudman
-
Aren't redheads reputed to be stealer of souls?
Sent from my SM-G973F using Tapatalk
-
Today's reality
-
^^^^^^^^Wow, lots of truth there
-
Well, if we're going to depend on Karen to get us to Mars I guess we'll all be staying here.
-
It snowed last night...
8:00 am: I made a snowman.
8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.
8:22 - The transgender man..women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.
8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .
8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.
8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
8:45 - TV news crew from CBC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.
9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.
9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.
By noon it all melted
Moral:
There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes.
O0 Pep
-
Since I've been doing this I haven't been bothered by door to door salesman. O:-)
-
Since I've been doing this I haven't been bothered by door to door salesman. O:-)
If you come up with something for the cold callers of cells please post.
-
Pep, you are so right!!
Rural, that is hilarious
-
It used to be wine, women, and song.
Now it's beer, the old lady, and TV. :'(
-
When people call me an expert, I typically stop them.
I tell them an "expert" is not a great thing. Why they ask?
Well, an ex is a has been, and a spurt is a slug of water!
-
When people call me an expert, I typically stop them.
I tell them an "expert" is not a great thing. Why they ask?
Well, an ex is a has been, and a spurt is a slug of water!
"X being the unknown quantity and a spurt being a drip under pressure!"
Sent from my SM-P600 using Tapatalk
-
Today's excitement...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20191208/715f4b8e4dd8498170f58629da259e9f.jpg)
Sent from my SM-P600 using Tapatalk
-
….
-
I picked up the Polish revolver the other day. Funny that it only came with one round.
-
I picked up the Polish revolver the other day. Funny that it only came with one round.
You sure it's not a new DNC mandated prototype?
-
...(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20191216/f0cb080f32b4f884a6ccc75f891f928e.jpg)
Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk
-
You've got that right George. The only thing worse is Prussian Blue.
-
:D
-
What do you call a Chinese woman with an opinion?
Wong :))
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20191226/80189e24124dd461762b565259b703ea.jpg)
Sent from my SM-P600 using Tapatalk
-
One for Jabberwoki :))
-
Them drop bears are vicious :))
-
Yep but vegemite keeps them at bay.
-
.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200117/93f33e146feffa862fc8b1d0bc9a9d53.jpg)
Sent from the twisted mind of the Mudman
-
:)) :))
-
How many of you guy's know the guy who wrote this book ??
-
.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200121/abefc4e110720dbb39574048f9ca1342.jpg)
Sent from the twisted mind of the Mudman
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200125/2878af52e089bb36ed84be394be14335.jpg)
Sent from my SM-P600 using Tapatalk
-
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,
the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to
pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament
was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
-
^^^^^^^^^^^^^Darn, lot of truth there :))
-
GOLF CLUB SIGN
1. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.
2. Form a loose grip.
3. Keep your head down.
4. Stay out of the water.
5. Try not to hit anyone.
6. If you are taking too long, let others go ahead of you.
7. Don't stand directly in front of others.
8. Quiet please, while others are preparing.
9. Don't take extra strokes.
10. Well done, now flush the urinal, wash your hands, go outside, and tee off. :a102:
-
I got angry and smashed my keyboard. I just lost Ctrl.
-
Jaff I just have to insert my comment here , you need to shift away from the puns and enter into a new style..end.
-
Jaff I just have to insert my comment here , you need to shift away from the puns and enter into a new style..end.
That's a capital idea.
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200205/cc3a80b4b9cad6d8fec435909a354e73.jpg)
Sent from the twisted mind of the Mudman
-
I was hoping you rise above your lower case humor.....oh well.
-
.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200207/5cec293d51306dfdcac4f753661cc381.jpg)
Sent from the twisted mind of the Mudman
-
I was hoping you rise above your lower case humor.....oh well.
I'm a lower case type.
-
Oldie but a goodie.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200208/aa42121da0e8ae072e6cd64e7147ac9a.jpg)
Sent from my SM-P600 using Tapatalk
-
Oldie but a goodie.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200208/aa42121da0e8ae072e6cd64e7147ac9a.jpg)
Sent from my SM-P600 using Tapatalk
One of my favorite movies......
-
You better shift your ways and enter a new realm.
-
Never to Return?
-
Eh.. you could backspace in.
-
Not sure I could Function that way.
-
?(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200210/e2dc8dfbf692315f502635991471dc25.jpg)
Sent from the twisted mind of the Mudman
-
I take it as the cheeseburger got stabbed.
It's very funny but at the same time pretty sad. People who were journalism majors in college and have college degrees in journalism and English write this.
-
insert a beer on my tab...you`ll gain control and backspace into prober function.
-
I was looking for an Escape.
-
To go back home?
-
That's how I Function.
-
Glad you got it under control.
-
You are quite a character.
-
Defiantly in the upper case I`m just that type of guy, always in control never moving backspace just shifting on.
-
I think I need to see my lawyers Hunt and Peck after that remark.
-
Mmmm let me process that info...
-
Someone stole all the punctuation keys on my keyboard. I see a long sentence ahead.
-
A repeat but...
A little insight on the proper terminology....
DRILL PRESS : A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
TACK WELD : for very strongly securing parts in the wrong spot. Hides in places impossible to remove with any known rotation tools. Also, the application of said delivers molten metal onto the hand of person who says, it's just a quick tack "
WIRE WHEEL : Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh*t'
PLIERS : Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER : An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW : One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS : Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH : Used almost entirely for lighting on fire various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK : Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW : A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST : A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER : Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER : A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR : A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER : A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER : Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE : Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
Son of a bitch TOOL : Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
Happy Wednesday..........👉🧔👈
-
:)) :)) :)) :))
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200226/2c2e06e6aa38b4c699992786a0665320.jpg)
I know a few of you are Dr Who fans.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200226/f0cd4734da3d3fa98b61a784f8d365f0.jpg)
Sent from my SM-P600 using Tapatalk
-
David is my favorite doctor. Him and Donna make such a great pair.
Sent from the twisted mind of the Mudman
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200229/32c0edf58f78e859cd178a451e71d9b0.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200229/d8939039ed4471206220ca7159ee9fb0.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200229/b34c0625adbba41fd5ee4e43ee15d9f6.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200229/06019edf1c04c2775187de7d639e52d8.jpg)
Sent from my SM-P600 using Tapatalk
-
:singing: :singing:
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200313/fdc9c7e0225f2bfd3aa1cf75686273d8.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200313/7fa4ce38a0c7649a48f079cfeea1fa4c.jpg)
Sent from my SM-P600 using Tapatalk
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/mksw6PSN/FB-IMG-1583947600542.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Sent from the twisted mind of the Mudman
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200411/b293016ff60d92ba06864108338f5b04.jpg)
-
...
-
^^^^^^^^Man that's funny
-
It's almost here. :106:
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200501/09de92dd683087d86fc86601187b833f.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200501/390350baf2626e7c72b90a1a91f4e366.jpg)
-
Signs of the Times
Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks.
The other half will come out with a drinking problem
I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.
I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom
PS: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.
I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone
This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.
Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal.
I have no clue how this place is still in business.
Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.
I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?
I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda.
I'm getting tired of Los Livingrooma.
Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.
-
I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom
I did consider going camping in my backyard over Easter.
-
During the middle ages, a young man was preparing to take his vows as a monk with an order that observed a very strict code of silence. The abbot questioned the man, asking him, "Are you sure that you are willing to devote your life to silent contemplation and prayer. Once you take these vows, you will only be allowed to speak two words every ten years. Is that truly your wish?" The man assured the abbot that it was, and so the vows were administered.
Ten years passed, and the abbot called the monk to his office and said, "Brother Michael, you have been here 10 years. Is there anything you wish to say?" Brother Michael responded, "Bad light". The abbot nodded and said, "I shall increase your supply of candles. Return now to your room, and resume your prayers."
Ten more years passed, and once again the monk was summoned. The abbot said, "Ten more years have passed. Do you wish to say anything, Brother Michael?" The monk responded, "Too cold". The abbot said, "I will get you some heavier blankets. Return now to your room, and resume your prayers."
Ten more years passed, and the abbot, now an old man, once more called Brother Michael. "Another decade has passed. Do you wish to speak?" Brother Michael said, "Bad food." The abbot responded. "Brother Michael, I don't think you belong here. You've been here thirty years and all you have done is complain."
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200510/4f66565e3cb34f9e1be8c772f7a7db2d.jpg)
-
Joined a wine club today
We meet every morning at 7:30 under the bridge
-
I started watching hockey..................
-
...
-
I bought my wife a new fridge. You should have seen her face light up when she opened the door.
-
A friend sent this to me. I thought you guys might get a kick out of it too.
Some folks on a social media posted a picture of a socket saying "We're moving out and we just found this socket. No one here has ever owned a socket set."
So I replied: "I'm Monte Markle and that's mine, it's from tool box number 10 and I lost it while installing the surveillance cameras."
Or course, they replied "yeah right, prove it."
So I replied: "Sure, turn it around, it says 10mm on it."
I played the odds and they totally lost it :) I thought you guys might get a chuckle from the story.
-
...
-
A guy walks into a bar, sits down, opens up a suitcase and takes out a tiny piano, followed by a very small man - only a foot tall. The tiny man sits and starts playing the tiny piano. The guy sits and stares at him, a glum expression on his face.
The bartender, enchanted by the tinkly music from the tiny piano, walks over to the guy and says "Hey buddy, what's up with the little dude? He plays real nice!"
"Well, you see," says the guy sadly, "I found this lamp, and when I rubbed it this genie popped out and said that he'd give me one wish. And this is what I ended up with."
"But this is great! The little guy is a great player! Why are you so sad?"
The guy looked up at the bartender.
"Do you really think I asked for a twelve-inch pianist??"
-
:))
-
Quote of the Day: "I'm running out of crayons trying to explain it to them!"
-
A stranger walks into a Ma & Pa store and spots a sign:
“Danger! Beware of the Dog”
Just as he got inside, he sees a harmless old hound, fast asleep in the middle of the floor.
“Is that the dog we’re supposed to beware of?” He asks the owner.
“That’s him.” The owner replied.
“He doesn’t look dangerous to me. Why would you post that sign?”
“Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!”
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200803/d46f7a3b57933290e680135b975dd974.jpg)
-
Cant be fast if your scared of jumping the cushion. :bravo_2:
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200807/f2f51b95ce6a115093dd9e7de397d005.jpg)
-
:o :o :o
-
Uh-oh! Better get the ole flintlock pistol ready! :D
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200809/3184945614eca42f5f456ba2635973f9.jpg)
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200825/1a93c49096d4da4459c39e1eadd8ce75.jpg)
-
Wise man.
-
...
-
...
I don't think anyone in the northern hemisphere knows for sure what C* is. Is that how y'all write degrees Celsius down under?
-
Sort of. It should be written °C not C°.
-
Sort of. It should be written °C not C°.
So whoever did that ain't any smarter than the kids he's trying to make fun of :lol_hitting:
-
No, it should be degrees. :014: :character0029: :D ;) :lol_hitting:
-
Who knew?
-
Who knew?
finger licking good
-
Who knew?
Why you gotta do that to a hungry horn dog like me?!
Sent from my E6910 using Tapatalk
-
Who knew?
Why you gotta do that to a hungry horn dog like me?!
Sent from my E6910 using Tapatalk
I haven't been to KFC since before lockdown in March, but for 'quesadillas' I probably wood.
-
Is that a woodie or just that you would?
-
I wood too but they`d have to turn the heat up.
-
Who knew?
Is that original recipe, or extra crispy? Just asking....for a friend.
-
Is that a woodie or just that you would?
Glad someone picked up on the pun, I wouldn't want it to go to waste.
-
...
-
...
that is funny
-
So do you like clowns
-
So do you like clowns
Why so serious
Sent from the twisted mind of the Mudman
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20201115/c594be259eacca8aa78e2bc68bf68965.jpg)
-
I think we all know who this is for.
-
<sigh>
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20201124/50a3aecb6e88f7f7ed68fb9b4df1e3e7.jpg)
-
I was going to tell you all a Covid-19 joke but there is a 99.75% chance you won't get it.
-
Waddaya call a Mexican BBQ in the dead of winter ?
Chilly con carne .
:))
-
I was going to tell you all a Covid-19 joke but there is a 99.75% chance you won't get it.
Oh shoot - that's funny! :lol_hitting:
-
...
-
:)) :)) :))
-
TO: All Blacksmiths
FROM: Santa
I have finally caught on that you clowns have been deliberately misbehaving in order to get free coal. I considered leaving reindeer xxxx in your stockings, but you characters would cheerfully burn anything in your forges with a carbon content that didn’t cost you anything. From now on any misbehaving smiths will receive a stocking full of clinker (The only thing you guys WON’T put in your forges)!
P.S.: Putting a “Welcome Santa” sign above your forge chimney is NOT funny- A coal fire is over five times hotter than a wood fire!
-
Where do snowmen keep their money?
In a snow bank! :D
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20201222/c802fa2761a0808112c072aed9b6b130.jpg)
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
-
Seems logical
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20201227/fca92931200e031079cdf4034673f8d4.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20201227/c98b35c4f8ad39efa94801d98674716b.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20201227/da0d0a10639269a173d2f25206e5e728.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20201227/f527bb343cc292727d42a90da0970b19.jpg)
-
:))
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20201230/fdeb6d45f43b35a2597f4ae06d5e811e.jpg)
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210114/576b9bf936cbd450198ae3bc3907299d.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210114/bde93c3d399fd6483cacf41b8d478ef6.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210114/56fd6d1a0c5738988e1552dc1d589486.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210114/fb0bb0730d9ea561317ad99feeda6c0a.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210114/8abbc1399f66bda03f7fe81591a997e3.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210114/0920f57eee50adbdcb9b88a7c286c160.jpg)
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/BbDSYTMf/FB-IMG-1610147259879.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/FkrX1JMT)
(https://i.postimg.cc/dt2QG9h8/FB-IMG-1610147483429.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/CzKVgkH1)
(https://i.postimg.cc/65J57PpW/FB-IMG-1610170787022.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
(https://i.postimg.cc/mZFgg4Rp/FB-IMG-1610171030568.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Sent from the twisted mind of the Mudman
-
lorena bobbitt has a new toilet line out
-
....
-
Nuff said.
-
.................
-
I heard a funny joke a week ago, and figured it's worth repeating.
"Have you heard the rumor about butter? No? Then I ain't spreading it."
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210202/9e31ea6524e0d755f321d0ee87d9d0a8.jpg)
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210212/cffb7046463d0392814391b936db9f8f.jpg)
-
.........................
-
...............
-
.......................
-
/////////////////////////
-
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
-
You are so ugly that when you were born the doctor slapped your mother! :D
-
Little johnny walks in on his parents having sex in the living room. His mom quickly covers and says honey were baking a cake.. Little johnny couple days later walks in kitchen and ask "mommy were you and daddy baking a cake again" mother replies " yes honey we did " he replies back. "Good cause i just licked the icing off the couch
-
I can't take my dog to the park anymore. Everytime i go the ducks attack and bite my dog.
That's what I get for having a dog that's pure bread!
Sent from the twisted mind of the Mudman
-
Some quickies
-
The irony is the text, in Swedish, on the side of the car reads " Safe / Secure"
-
^^^^^That is one badass clip
Makes me wonder if others are taking the corner that way
-
Cleared for take off.
https://twitter.com/i/status/1364615078532632577
-
A discussion arose over at GJ about laminated ratcheting wrenches. Most people hate them.
So, I posted that I guess this is how most people feel.
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/wBM8Xm5Z/FB-IMG-1613990620904.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/tsKMy7MN)
Sent from the twisted mind of the Mudman
-
....................
-
A group of mimes attacked a woman on the Strip in Las Vegas in broad daylight.
What they did to her was unspeakable.
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210313/64a51f773fdebfdfad7f42f6f6383567.jpg)
-
Dang, Rural, you know me so well and you've never met me! :a102:
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210317/6407c44ea269682d55d17421d75b3a39.jpg)
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210317/6407c44ea269682d55d17421d75b3a39.jpg)
When you're done just tell him the repair is $100,000 - or you can take the truck and contents in trade! :))
-
Those tires gonna cost him $50 a week for 2 years? :lol_hitting:
-
This is why you don't have an aircraft maintainer work on your stovetop...
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210326/bbef6b19b2bbf16999eb4695fdea51f5.jpg)
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210330/79a4e043bb1c5f1993f7cc75ecb4b22e.jpg)
-
Muddy, is this you?
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210331/b0c0d0beb4a7280c79d03be813131878.jpg)
-
For those with kids.... (from https://www.jamesbreakwell.com/ (https://www.jamesbreakwell.com/))
-
For TacticalFun
-
Game show this season
-
Game show this season
Oh that is so spot on
-
Love the tank turret Rural. You should post that to Tactical's thread.
-
From another website:
I was swimming at the YMCA, and decide to take a leak in the deep end of the pool. Unfortunately a lifeguard saw me, and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.
-
WARNING
I ordered Chinese takeout from a local place (I won't name them), but when I got home I placed it on my kitchen counter top and as I was getting some plates, I heard the bags rustling and moving!! WTF??!!
I thought what the heck is that? Has something got in the bag? I thought I could see a little pair of peering out at me!
I was so scared as the bag was moving around and around.
I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the floor with a broom in one hand and there it was again, more rustling and little looking out behind the prawn crackers.
I thought it's got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down...
And there it was ...
A Peeking Duck!!!
-
Opinions are like armpits. Everybody has them and most of them stink.
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210618/b66b98bd11c7637459b00f4d0ce65814.jpg)
-
.
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/cLZ13Lmx/40f4066b09e1a0d2cc9015f072c60b4e66e1fa8efaf246f10a65a21864d06c7c-1-jpg.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)lmfao hd wallpapers (https://suwalls.com/music/lmfao)
Sent from the twisted mind of the mudman
-
I wish I could give credit to whoever wrote this about Senior Teenagers but I have no idea who that is. I didn’t forget. It wasn’t a senior teenager moment….I just never knew.
“I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don’t have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don’t have a curfew. I have a driver’s license and my own car
The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant. Life is great.
I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.
I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim”. I feel so much better saying I went to the “Jim” this morning.
When I was a child, I thought “nap time” was a punishment. Now it feels like a small vacation.
The biggest lie I tell myself is: ”I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
I don’t have gray hair, I have “wisdom highlights”! I’m just very wise.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet.
Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
At my age “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names.
Now, I’m wondering: did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?”
-
A freakin men :08:
-
:)) wait......... those things sound like me. :smiley_confused1:
-
I wish I could give credit to whoever wrote this about Senior Teenagers but I have no idea who that is. I didn’t forget. It wasn’t a senior teenager moment….I just never knew.
“I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don’t have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don’t have a curfew. I have a driver’s license and my own car
The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant. Life is great. Tell that to one of my past workmates, baby in his fifties is seriously cramping his style
I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now. I've found airhorns just as effective
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers. Wait, how do you know my female friends?!?!
I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. Amateur, try twenty
I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim”. I feel so much better saying I went to the “Jim” this morning. I must try this
When I was a child, I thought “nap time” was a punishment. Now it feels like a small vacation. So my quick nap on Sunday when I got home at 2pm turned into dragging my sort ar(@$* out of bed at 8pm to have dinner
The biggest lie I tell myself is: ”I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.” 21st Century trick - email yourself
I don’t have gray hair, I have “wisdom highlights”! I’m just very wise. At least you still have hair!
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees. Can you still see your knees?
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet. You too!
Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway? :D
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice. Of course I talk to myself, it is the only way to get an intelligent answer around here!
At my age “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for. Truth
I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names.
Now, I’m wondering: did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?”
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/PrBcsPc3/c73b70fce208ac0fa84979fd55077f13fbe06b82537f43676eb5c3e62994cee6-1-jpg.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Sent from the twisted mind of the mudman
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210717/2c9bd906e0a30c678ad6b29554f912d0.jpg)
-
A bad joke
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/vH9dMSWq/6758e06a83ba2b75bb02528d567f81c8c8cf11509a59f0dd5b484dcc880f4db2-1-jpg.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/w76rQ24L)how often do i feed my betta fish (https://bettafishcaretaker.com/my-betta-fish-wont-eat-im-worried)
Sent from the twisted mind of the mudman
-
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210721/d936a95cd39c3b4dd8b2f56586061975.jpg)
-
Saw this On GJ and didn't get it for a while till someone pointed it out to me.
-
Saw this On GJ and didn't get it for a while till someone pointed it out to me.
I would like to see a Tesla driver hassle that guy for parking there. :021:
-
out on the interstate theres a flea bag motel where all the construction workers stay. its got a Tesla station in the parking lot. Well these construction guys use up all the parking so they sometimes park in the Tesla area. One guy had a sign on his wind shield that the truck identified as a tesla. :lol_hitting:
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/VvBGJtfS/38ebd2efff2d7af9dd3b375b45808947c15964fa6e8a042239fa80acadf9ae1b-1-jpg.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/wRMcP7sH)
Sent from the twisted mind of the mudman
-
I forgot that the grand nagus was in the princess bride. LOL
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/RZxTCP5V/33701f74df7026a31e64940cdf60af290f9112f8f3f50e277c3c32e4e25c2971-1-jpg.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/dLnC4jVz)
Sent from the twisted mind of the mudman
-
Good one!!! What the heck is he driving anyway?
-
Good one!!! What the heck is he driving anyway?
I'm thinking its a Audi
Sent from the twisted mind of the mudman
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/kX3QRqMQ/df60bbcd8fff9676d0e0b9386711802719b6a6085e782a2c36b54ba111706fa6-1-jpg.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/JtxD9wk0)
Sent from the twisted mind of the mudman
-
Just saw this bumper sticker that made me LOL.
Honk if you love Jesus.
Text if you want to meet Him.
-
Five parrots separated at UK zoo after encouraging each other to swear at guests
A UK wildlife sanctuary has been forced to separate five naughty parrots after they wouldn't stop swearing at visitors.
Billy, Eric, Tyson, Jade and Elsie were removed from public viewing this week due to their inappropriate behaviour.
The parrots are part of Lincolnshire Wildlife Centre's colony of 200 African grey parrots and were put in quarantine together upon arrival. But they quickly overwhelmed the staff with their naughty language. "We are quite used to parrots swearing, but we've never had five at the same time," the centre's chief executive, Steve Nichols, told AP. "Most parrots clam up outside, but for some reason these five relish it." Rather than being offended, most zoo visitors found the foul-mouthed parrots amusing, with the sanctuary confirming no complaints had been made. "When a parrot tells you to 'f*** off' it amuses people very highly," Nicholls said. "It's brought a big smile to a really hard year." Despite visitors finding the parrots funny, the zoo decided to keep the rogue offenders away from children to ensure they didn't ruffle any feathers with parents. The sanctuary explained the five parrots have each been moved to different areas of the zoo so that they are unable to provoke each other.
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/qM697DXD/311a8bbb1f15b2073f8a37fa4e274b2be2abeec06ccb94530a3e71830b19bb8c-1-jpg.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/1fPWCHdD)
Sent from the twisted mind of the mudman
-
A fellow pilot told me that man buns are now known as saddle horns.
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210809/03a00a7b209538a556d079018d947ff3.jpg)
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/RZxTCP5V/33701f74df7026a31e64940cdf60af290f9112f8f3f50e277c3c32e4e25c2971-1-jpg.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/dLnC4jVz)
Sent from the twisted mind of the mudman
Ole Mac never had to contend with modern electronics. :D
Even the new Macguver had to get a computer/hacker/technology specialist!
-
After watching "The Hunt For Red October" recently the Mrs. said, "You'd think by now the Navy would have a silent propulsion drive. I wonder why we've never heard of it?"
I kept a straight face for about two seconds and then lost it. :))
-
Highway patrol: "Sounds like you got a modified straight pipe exhaust you know that's illegal right?"
Me: "Yes, I'm aware of that. I don't have a straight pipe though officer. Your welcome to crawl under and check."
-
Highway patrol: "Sounds like you got a modified straight pipe exhaust you know that's illegal right?"
Me: "Yes, I'm aware of that. I don't have a straight pipe though officer. Your welcome to crawl under and check."
I wonder what this thing would sound like if they put an X pipe crossover at each locations where the bends are next to each other?
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/nLKYcK9j/FB-IMG-1629326890981.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)
Sent from the twisted mind of the mudman
-
Heard this joke on a Utube vid.
What differentiates a good metalworker from a bad one?
Thick paint.
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210902/d02906e764f239ed22714cfefff367a7.jpg)
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/YC62Fvwq/b9988bcd8727e2c5dfc351866b9d30c83a81413783dbbddd4876beb010a6a21c-1-jpg.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/68QNJ53D)
Sent from the twisted mind of the mudman
-
Damn wheel nut fell off.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210909/8cf4a9122173a5b0d8a337ccfe461c02.jpg)
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/tJHjM7T6/3315a03989267939e343ba47d61f34b22015e5b99354a66aa25a757e078352d4-1-jpg.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/xJghkfLj)
Sent from the twisted mind of the mudman
-
Heres one to try on the wife :hee20hee20hee:
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210913/a23b12b61d8abb088c2debdd944e2352.jpg)
-
Took the new car back to the dealer.
Strange noise only happens starting & stopping ??
-
Lol
-
:08: :PDT_Armataz_01_37:
-
2021 ............
-
Maybe...
-
The reason jabberwoki left Australia.
-
LOL.
-
-
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/c1mnhqkH/e82b0dfca0f80c213f74c8f35b9e5fc7de678b27f052d47803ccd0c8bc9bccb1-1-jpg.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/6T8q6PXJ)
Sent from the twisted mind of the mudman
-
Excellent advice :character0029:
-
When the accountant says you're not allowed a new tractor but you really want one...
-
:))
-
:))
-
:))
Took me awhile to realize it was a reloader and not a drill press.
Sent from the twisted mind of the mudman
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/fbh9ZzZ4/45bec07215458c4c922ed82a0f266b80569d54709a967bc6985b79acdc805bb6-1-jpg.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/hXpj1qfM)
Sent from the twisted mind of the mudman
-
:D
-
I thought that was a drill press for a second too.
-
Salad
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20211108/117d96888926ab39f7fa66fb16e67a4b.jpg)
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20211116/8523a6ff1a4cf3ed709d97e517aec1e4.jpg)
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/fbh9ZzZ4/45bec07215458c4c922ed82a0f266b80569d54709a967bc6985b79acdc805bb6-1-jpg.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/hXpj1qfM)
Sent from the twisted mind of the mudman
:D
Just make sure the mechanic keeping the air pump going gets paid!
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/zGMJ6CX5/FB-IMG-1636835966066.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/87RQrr6n)
Sent from the twisted mind of the mudman
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20211119/99e9fefce2b4aad1ee88ddd6e2666650.jpg)
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/fbh9ZzZ4/45bec07215458c4c922ed82a0f266b80569d54709a967bc6985b79acdc805bb6-1-jpg.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/hXpj1qfM)
Sent from the twisted mind of the mudman
:D
Just make sure the mechanic keeping the air pump going gets paid!
You just need a stewardess ready to do the job. The actress who did the deed in the movie was a client of mine and a really nice person.
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220127/1169162c5634b9b82f164467bebc9bff.jpg)
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/VNZbtk33/174b911190b418655ae22dac267254161b7983cc6b56c9ab32ced530294f882a-1-jpg.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/yJ9d4s6P)
Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk
-
Must have cert for man-card.
-
There is no way that I would even attempt that one pep. :o
-
Look at this guy, makes me laugh whenever I think of it. I have cats so these are just to funny.
-
One for you pep.
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220130/0ee6f145765e3418c6cfc53e3542c953.jpg)
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220201/5cf1c177ede49dbe65ed2900cade4dc0.jpg)
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220209/c71a1610e33f6bac6386c3369bb4d8d9.jpg)
-
A FARMER HAD 5 FEMALE PIGS.
Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them:
At the fair, he met another Farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.
The farmers lived sixty miles apart. So they agreed to drive thirty miles each, find a field in which to let the pigs mate.
The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M., loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, (which was the only vehicle he had) and drove the thirty miles. While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer,
“How will I know if they are pregnant?”
The other farmer replied. “If they’re lying in the grass tomorrow morning, they’re pregnant. If they’re in the mud, they’re not.”
The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again This continued each morning for more than a week. Both farmers were worn out.
The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed. He called to his wife,
“Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass.”
“Neither.” Yelled his wife. “They’re in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn.
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220221/23e2eabbc8d32946447a4dcd3c30d0ac.jpg)
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220307/e3d5ce3f4c323c8a6d189c911633831f.jpg)
-
From a rerun of the 80's show "Hunter"
Hunter: Name the four basic food groups.
McCall: Order in, take out, frozen, and canned.
Dee Dee McCall is my kind of gal! :)
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220313/ec42de04afc9c2700325d661b07c1488.jpg)
-
Lordy............
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/zX7PqJb7/598496af43345c644aa74e841193920cb2920552bcc36de9d607037785717b3a-1-jpg.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/PPLM4nMv)
Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220328/b5d7d20ad6fd0e9b4a50254751cecd42.jpg)
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220408/b015e95e378269354b26040afd0d793b.jpg)
-
...
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220423/9b768bb4fa16292132edcd74806f8672.jpg)
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220424/c9f388409c28250ee87d098ecda7b6f1.jpg)
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220502/82d27df853babb6388f8a26bc819e47e.jpg)
-
:25:
-
First off, THANKS EVERYONE for your concern. I'm ok, just a little shaken up, but I'll be ok. For those of you who don't know what happened, i was robbed yesterday morning at the petrol station. I gathered myself together, my hands were still shaking, I was dizzy and I honestly think I was in shock. My money was gone. I called the police, they were fantastic and called for medical assistance as my blood pressure was through the roof. The police asked me if I knew who did it, and
I told them "Yes, it was pump number 4"
-
First off, THANKS EVERYONE for your concern. I'm ok, just a little shaken up, but I'll be ok. For those of you who don't know what happened, i was robbed yesterday morning at the petrol station. I gathered myself together, my hands were still shaking, I was dizzy and I honestly think I was in shock. My money was gone. I called the police, they were fantastic and called for medical assistance as my blood pressure was through the roof. The police asked me if I knew who did it, and
I told them "Yes, it was pump number 4"
LOL -- had me going there for a minute Rural. BTW - what is the current price per liter in NZ? In my part of the US -- central Virginia, the price is about USD $1.20/liter
-
:)) :)) :))
Darn Rural, you got me on that one. Well played!!!
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/2yk2tvNn/13919e17cc5c4efee2bc601866260e65f275bba68efb45511f82971959c49461-1-jpg.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/HcNwcrxL)
Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk
-
We're getting close. Apparently some Chevron station in northern CA already is at $9/gal. Many others are prepping the pump software and hardware for double digit pricing. To think that just 18 months ago I was paying $2.28 for a gallon of gas.
-
First off, THANKS EVERYONE for your concern. I'm ok, just a little shaken up, but I'll be ok. For those of you who don't know what happened, i was robbed yesterday morning at the petrol station. I gathered myself together, my hands were still shaking, I was dizzy and I honestly think I was in shock. My money was gone. I called the police, they were fantastic and called for medical assistance as my blood pressure was through the roof. The police asked me if I knew who did it, and
I told them "Yes, it was pump number 4"
LOL -- had me going there for a minute Rural. BTW - what is the current price per liter in NZ? In my part of the US -- central Virginia, the price is about USD $1.20/liter
Here in Tauranga 91 is USD $1.84/liter, 95 is USD $1.96 and Diesel is USD $$1.63. Remember though that diesel is not taxed at the pump and road going vehicles have to buy Road User Charges based on weight. Up to 3.5T GVM USD $47/1000km through to USD $300/1000km for a 48T GCM.
-
..........Here in Tauranga 91 is USD $1.84/liter, 95 is USD $1.96 and Diesel is USD $$1.63. Remember though that diesel is not taxed at the pump and road going vehicles have to buy Road User Charges based on weight. Up to 3.5T GVM USD $47/1000km through to USD $300/1000km for a 48T GCM.
That price/gal is about what I expected, but I didn't know about the road use tax on diesel. Quite a surcharge to be sure. I'm afraid we will have a similar across the board road tax in our future as well. Our federal highway improvement fund that is based on vehicle fuel taxes is running low, and with the preponderance of electric vehicles coming onto the market, the road improvement taxes will eventually have to be based on distances traveled.
-
RUC, as the law is written, are actually charged on vehicles operating on the public road powered by fuels "not taxed at the point of supply", this includes electric vehicles. At the moment EVs are exempt from RUC (a coalition deal condition between the Labour Party and the Greens after the election before last) as an encouragement to get people into them. Last year this exemption was quietly extended for another three years. Most EV owners in New Zealand don't actually realise this and are in for a bit of a shock when the exemption ends and they have to start paying RUC.
:hee20hee20hee:
-
:D :lol_hitting:
-
LOL -- that's a truly bold piece of journalism considering it was written right after the massive Dot Com speculative debacle. That said, what was supposed to set us free from mundane work tasks in order to enjoy a more fulfilled life, has made many of us veritable slaves to technology.
-
:party0036: :682: :103:
-
:bravo_2: Finally!
-
Whew!
Thank you Rural!
I was just about to clear out my garage. I've been saving gold there for 40 years!
(http://)
-
I always save my scrap wood and it gets used often, well as often as I do something with wood :))
-
With the price of wood rising faster than gold would be a good idea to save all you can.
-
...
-
Doggone it.
-
That second picture made me think of my late furbrother. My parents adopted a dog and EARLY on, someone hit the doorbell and my father set his hot dog down on the table and went to go check it. Monty, the dog, was a shelter adoption and he jumped up on the chair, grabbed the end of the hot dog, and pulled it from the bun and went behind the couch. Dad came back and sat down, and the second bite, realized he was just eating bread, relish and the other condiments, looked into it and saw the dogs tail sticking out from the couch.
Until the dog realized he wasn't going to go hungry, we had to watch him.
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220825/33bfcb662f17f971e90316b757c7554a.jpg)
-
An Alberta farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor’s and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door.
“Is your Dad home?”
“No sir, he isn’t; he went to town.”
“Well, is your Mother here?”
“No sir, she went to town with Dad.”
“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”
“No sir, He went with Mom and Dad.”
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.
“Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message.”
“Well,” said the rancher uncomfortably, “I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It’s about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant.
The boy thought for a moment. “You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don’t know how much he charges for Howard.”
-
:))
-
...
-
....
-
(https://i.postimg.cc/tRccSgz6/895530c3c4384bcb3c74ec4af3f587c79e32450734ff65ea624d9f60c24d68ea-1-jpg.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/K4nQ4xwc)
Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk
-
Planetary science
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20221108/7a764dfa2fea5208b0bc874dc66aef85.jpg)
-
:))
-
Two women were arguing about the last empty seat on a bus.
The conductor told the driver he'd tried to settle it but nothing seemed to work
So the driver yelled back, "Let the ugly one have the seat"!
Both woman remained standing for the rest of the trip.
-
Two women were arguing about the last empty seat on a bus.
The conductor told the driver he'd tried to settle it but nothing seemed to work
So the driver yelled back, "Let the ugly one have the seat"!
Both woman remained standing for the rest of the trip.
:))
-
...
-
From another site. I'm paraphrasing, as I can't recall all the specifics.
A blonde calls her boyfriend. "I need your help. I've got this jigsaw puzzle, and I can't even figure out how to get started".
The boyfriend asks, "What's it supposed to be a picture of"?
She says, "Well, there's a tiger on the front of the box".
Perplexed, the boyfriend goes over there. He takes one look at the box, all the pieces spread out on the kitchen table, and tells her, "There's no way these pieces are going to look like a tiger"
"So honey, let's sit down and relax a little while"....And then I'll help you gather up all these Frosted Flakes".
-
A lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said
"I would like to buy some cyanide. "
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide? "
The lady : "I need it to poison my husband. "
The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed : "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide! "
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied : "Oh Well now That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription. "
-
Every time!
-
A plaque on the wall at the car mechanics shop.
-
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale.'
He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep" the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says, "So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping, I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running... but the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars" the guy says.
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on Earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He's never been out of the yard."
-
"Because he's a liar. He's never been out of the yard."
:)) :)) :))
-
No wonder people can't understand photographers when they talk about 'twilights' and 'hours' at dawn.
-
Introducing our latest product innovation: The Inflatable Rock!
Perfect for hikers who want to take a break and sit on something that looks and feels just like a real rock. No need to carry heavy camping chairs anymore. Our Inflatable Rocks are lightweight, portable, and easy to inflate. Get yours today and take your outdoor experience to the next level!
Shop now 👉 https://www.torpedo7.co.nz/content/inflatable-rocks (https://www.torpedo7.co.nz/content/inflatable-rocks)
#inflatablerock #rock #hikersbestfriend #petrock #torpedo7
-
no words needed
-
....
-
....
Ya know that Snap-on actually offered something very similar to that 10-15 years or so ago. Worse, I think I might even have one in my box! LOL :lol_hitting:
-
....
Ya know that Snap-on actually offered something very similar to that 10-15 years or so ago. Worse, I think I might even have one in my box! LOL :lol_hitting:
It's listed as an adjustable crowsfoot. Snap-on part number ADCF8 it's 3/8 drive. Bahco has the same one - both are listed as made in Spain so likely it's made by Irimo. But other companies make similar.
I've only used it to replace fixtures up under a couple sinks but it did come in quite handy.
Since it's a joke thread...
I once had a contortionist girlfriend. She was head over heels in love with me.
-
....
Ya know that Snap-on actually offered something very similar to that 10-15 years or so ago. Worse, I think I might even have one in my box! LOL :lol_hitting:
It's listed as an adjustable crowsfoot. Snap-on part number ADCF8 it's 3/8 drive. Bahco has the same one - both are listed as made in Spain so likely it's made by Irimo. But other companies make similar.
I've only used it to replace fixtures up under a couple sinks but it did come in quite handy.
Since it's a joke thread...
I once had a contortionist girlfriend. She was head over heels in love with me.
Splendid! You outdid yourself with that one Steve! :lol_hitting:
-
I got this joke from another forum. I'm sure I'm missing a little but I've got the gist of it.
A blonde comes into a bar exclaiming, "53 days, 53 days"! She keeps saying it, and then a blonde friend of hers comes in and repeats the phrase "53 days"! This goes on for about 10 minutes, and the bartender finally asks them what is all the fifty-three days are about.
"Well", says the first blonde, "we bought this jigsaw puzzle, and it says 3 to 5 years on the box. But the two of us assembled it in only 53 days!" :lol_hitting:
-
:lol_hitting:
-
What do dentist's call X-rays?
Tooth pics.
-
A report from a Ship's Master?
It is with regret and haste that I write to you, regret that such a small misunderstanding could lead to the following circumstances, and haste in order that you get this report before you form your own pre-conceived opinions from reports in the world press, for I am sure they will tend to over-dramatise the affair.
We had just picked up the pilot, and the apprentice had returned from changing the "G" flag for an "H" and, it being his first trip was having difficulty in rolling up the "G" flag. I therefore proceeded to show him how. Coming to the last part, I told him to "let go", the lad although willing, is not too bright, necessitating my having to repeat the order in a sharper tone. At this moment the Chief Officer appeared from the chart room, having been plotting the vessel's progress, and, thinking that it was the anchors that were being referred to repeated the "let go" to the Third Officer on the forecastle. The port anchor, having being cleared away but not walked out was promptly let go. The effect of letting the anchor drop from the "pipe" whilst the vessel was proceeding at full harbour speed proved too much for the windlass brake, and the entire length of the port cable was pulled out by the roots. I fear that the damage to the chain locker may be extensive. The braking effect of the port anchor naturally caused the vessel to sheer in that direction, right towards the swing bridge that spans the tributary to the river up which we were proceeding.
The swing bridge operator showed great presence of mind by opening the bridge for my vessel. Unfortunately, he did not think to stop the vehicular traffic, the result being that the bridge partly opened and deposited a Volkswagen, two cyclists and a cattle truck on my foredeck. My ship's company are at present rounding up the contents of the latter which from the noise I would say were pigs. In his efforts to stop the progress of the vessel the Third Officer dropped the starboard anchor, too late to be of practical use for it fell on the swing bridge operators cabin.
After the port anchor was let go and the vessel began to sheer, I gave a double full astern on the engine room telegraph and personally rang the engine room to order maximum astern revolutions. I was informed that the sea temperature was 53 degrees and asked if there was a film tonight, my reply would not be constructive to this report.
Up to now I have confined my report to the activities at the forward end of the vessel. Down aft they were having their own problems. At the moment the port anchor was let go, the Second Officer was supervising the making fast of the after tug and was lowering the ship's towing line down onto the tug. The sudden braking effect of the port anchor caused the tug to run in under the stern of my vessel, just at the moment when the propeller was answering my double ring "Full Astern". The prompt action of the Second Officer in securing the inboard end of the towing line delayed the sinking of the tug by some minutes thereby allowing the safe abandonment of that vessel.
It is strange but at the very same moment of letting go the port anchor there was a power cut ashore. The fact that we were passing over a "Cable Area" at the time might suggest that we may have touched something on the river bed. It is perhaps lucky that the high power cables brought down by the foremast were not live, possibly being replaced by the underwater cable, but owing to the shore black out it is impossible to say where the pylon fell.
It never fails to amaze me, the actions and behaviour of foreigners during moments of minor crisis. The pilot, for instance is at this moment huddled in the corner of my day cabin, alternately crooning to himself and crying after having consumed a bottle of gin in a time that is worthy of inclusion in the Guinness Book of Records. The tug captain on the other hand reacted violently and had to be forcibly restrained by the Steward who has him handcuffed in the ship's hospital, where he is telling me to do impossible things with my ship and crew.
I enclose the names and addresses of the drivers of the vehicles on my fore deck, which the third officer collected after his somewhat hurried evacuation of the forecastle. These particulars will enable you to claim for the damage they did to the railings of No. 1 hold. I am enclosing this as a preliminary report as I am finding it difficult to concentrate with the sound of police sirens and their flashing lights.
It is sad to think that had the apprentice realised that there is no need to fly pilot flags after dark, none of this would have happened.
Yours truly.
Captain Anonymous.
Borrowed from Ships Nostalgia forum
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20230723/53d52edb664dc489748b9748d4fa1f45.jpg)
Sent from my SM-T505 using Tapatalk
-
an oldie but even more applicable today...
-
:))
-
A mate of mine sent this to me yesterday morning, taken on his way to work in Dunedin.
-
What's that bump
-
Should be a real hit at the 5th channel
-
:D :D :D
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20230915/42e3d3485b3e8e185f4a4ee8f103a27a.jpg)
-
Men fall in love by what they see - woman fall in love by what they hear.
It's why woman wear make-up and men lie.
-
...
-
That EV jeep is hilarious
-
Genius idea. That student will go far. He knows how to work a system for optimizing results. EV are so common these days, no one would bat an eye at that fakery.
-
Love it and his sense of humor.
:clap:
I sent a copy of it on to my neighbor who works on EVs for one of the 'Big 3', carbon based car manufacturers.
-
Like it!
-
I have no idea why someone would want to counterfit a Ford!
-
Who would have guessed :-\
https://wiredconservative.com/thepoliticalmovement/victorias-secret-to-fire-the-ugly-men-in-lingerie-and-bring-actual-sexy-models-back/?aff_id=1037&utm_placement=thepoliticalmovement
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20231101/71b79aa24d49b0ce8accbabfd6d0b0b1.jpg)
-
Truth
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20231102/cbebadb336c16b9538cac1d19a933978.jpg)
-
That's funny as hell
-
....
-
Adapt to the conditions....
"Much of the cast and crew of The African Queen got sick except Humphrey Bogart and John Huston, who said they avoided illness by living on imported Scotch whisky. "All I ate was baked beans, canned asparagus, and Scotch whisky. Whenever a fly bit Huston or me, it dropped dead," said Bogart."
-
Climate Change defined
-
There's all this talk lately of the internet kill switch to be put on cars starting in 2026.
The auto kill switch is already here - it's called "the price tag". :lol_hitting:
-
Some things you can just never unsee. Is that a bow tie he's wearing or does he have a little tiny body?
-
There's all this talk lately of the internet kill switch to be put on cars starting in 2026.
The auto kill switch is already here - it's called "the price tag". :lol_hitting:
LOL - so true George. Recently saw a post about a DARCARS dealership in the DC area that put a ridiculous “Market Adjustment” on a tarted up Ford Raptor -
Get this …..
$130k for the truck
$200k for the market adjustment
$330k OTD price
How arrogant and stupid have these dealerships become!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
-
Then at this point the turbo fans shut down as the Scramjet kicks in accelerating the workshop to MACH 8.
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20240122/8ac8b01881c6242df7fd910463890424.jpg)
-
-
Some of my friends really do have a warped sense of humor...
-
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20240312/64e178762cba0cfe04eb4f1fec1aa0e6.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20240312/d2fefa6b35acca4ef21a256a9bf37dc1.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20240312/9a0065f95eee7a8320896693d1004c48.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20240312/b32b5862d0573fe220242596a0c7e5ce.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20240312/dca48fe319fb43ebc639cf2ad5126767.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20240312/c385f5fac859e031a71edc105e61bccf.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20240312/38cfb914586c742bf1451279684b8b48.jpg)
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20240312/7be7a8afe3953500e634137b14e3ba15.jpg)
-
A brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so it goes on, everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?" She says, "No, I dyed my hair. I'm naturally blonde." "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
-
:))
-
A young ventriloquist is touring Sweden and, one night, he's doing a show in a small fishing town.
With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his customary dumb-blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Swedish blonde women that way? What does the color of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being. It's people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only Blondes, but women in general . . . pathetically, all in the name of humor!"
When the embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, the blonde shouts . . . "You stay out of this. I'm talking to that little s*** on your lap."
-
A blonde pushes her old BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburettor." She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
-
Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money."
Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Jack took the money.