Author Topic: Some humor  (Read 76998 times)

Offline Rural53

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #360 on: September 23, 2022, 04:16:11 AM »
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Offline Rural53

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #361 on: September 29, 2022, 04:32:56 AM »
....

Offline muddy

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #362 on: September 29, 2022, 07:15:53 PM »


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Offline Rural53

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #363 on: October 19, 2022, 06:14:22 AM »
Planetary science

Offline Rural53

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #364 on: November 08, 2022, 01:38:06 AM »

Offline Lookin4_67GalaxieConv

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #365 on: November 26, 2022, 10:26:11 PM »
 :))
boop/bop/beep

Offline bonneyman

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #366 on: November 27, 2022, 04:44:20 PM »
Two women were arguing about the last empty seat on a bus.
The conductor told the driver he'd tried to settle it but nothing seemed to work
So the driver yelled back, "Let the ugly one have the seat"!

Both woman remained standing for the rest of the trip.

Offline Rural53

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #367 on: November 27, 2022, 10:49:11 PM »
Two women were arguing about the last empty seat on a bus.
The conductor told the driver he'd tried to settle it but nothing seemed to work
So the driver yelled back, "Let the ugly one have the seat"!

Both woman remained standing for the rest of the trip.

 :))

Offline Rural53

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #368 on: December 09, 2022, 10:17:49 PM »
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Offline bonneyman

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #369 on: December 10, 2022, 05:52:44 PM »
From another site. I'm paraphrasing, as I can't recall all the specifics.

A blonde calls her boyfriend. "I need your help. I've got this jigsaw puzzle, and I can't even figure out how to get started".
The boyfriend asks, "What's it supposed to be a picture of"?
She says, "Well, there's a tiger on the front of the box".
Perplexed, the boyfriend goes over there. He takes one look at the box, all the pieces spread out on the kitchen table, and tells her, "There's no way these pieces are going to look like a tiger"

"So honey, let's sit down and relax a little while"....And then I'll help you gather up all these Frosted Flakes".
« Last Edit: December 10, 2022, 05:58:11 PM by bonneyman »

Offline Rural53

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #370 on: December 23, 2022, 11:34:29 PM »
A lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said
"I would like to buy some cyanide. "
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide? "
The lady : "I need it to poison my husband. "
The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed : "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide! "
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied : "Oh Well now That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription. "

Offline Rural53

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #371 on: February 28, 2023, 03:43:28 AM »
Every time!

Offline bonneyman

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #372 on: March 21, 2023, 10:15:35 AM »
A plaque on the wall at the car mechanics shop.

Offline torqueman2002

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #373 on: March 21, 2023, 01:28:50 PM »
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale.'

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep" the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says, "So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping, I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running... but the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars" the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on Earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He's never been out of the yard."
"I got to show the young boys how not to do it. I haven't showed them everything not to do, yet. It's a big job!" - Otto Kilcher

Offline Rural53

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #374 on: March 23, 2023, 04:21:27 AM »
"Because he's a liar. He's never been out of the yard."

 :)) :)) :))