Author Topic: Some humor  (Read 76147 times)

lostmind

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #30 on: March 13, 2019, 11:01:40 AM »
From another forum , not my wife.

It was a gorgeous day so my wife and I were outside through most of it doing some spring yard work.

She goes back in the house to start making dinner. I couldn't find the rake and knew she was using it last. I see her through the kitchen window and holler at her. She makes a motion like she can't hear me. I holler louder. She still can't hear me. I still have to take the storm windows off that's probably why.

So I decide to use sign language. I point to my eye, then my knee, then make a raking motion. Pretty straight forward message right?

She replies by pointing to her eye, grabbing her left breast and shaking it, slaps her ass and then points straight at her crotch. I'm dumbfounded. She does the whole thing again. I throw up my arms, go open the back door and ask her what the hell she just said.

Her reply, "eye- left tit- behind- the bush"

Offline muddy

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #31 on: March 13, 2019, 11:19:09 AM »
...


My wife would go Ballistic !
Mandy would just go "really?!.... your a dumbass"

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Offline Rural53

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #32 on: March 15, 2019, 04:26:02 AM »
...

Offline bonneyman

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #33 on: March 19, 2019, 10:28:57 AM »
My wife used to collect hippo items. Of all the animals out there she thinks hippos are cute. Go figure!  :-[
She has made me promise not to buy her any more hippo trinkets, as her collection has about outgrown the small glass/wood cabinet I got for her.
Anyway, at an estate sale place we came across this hippo statue-ette, and it was so perfect I had to get it for her. She was hesitant at first, but I brought her around. Only after we got to the front counter did she start pulling the price and ID tags off and she uncovered some funny quotes. The references to the Ark, SPF 300, the gal hippo in a bikini, and the return information are great for laughs! I thought I'd share.
« Last Edit: March 19, 2019, 10:39:23 AM by bonneyman »

Offline pep

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #34 on: March 19, 2019, 07:40:02 PM »
The Pirate..

A sailor meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns recounting their adventures at sea. Noting the pirate's peg-leg, hook, and eye patch, the sailor asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

...

The pirate replies "We was caught in a monster storm off the cape and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as they were pullin' me out, a school of sharks appeared and one of 'em bit me leg off".

“Blimey!" said the sailor. "What about the hook?”

“Ahhhh...", mused the pirate, "We were boardin' a trader ship, pistols blastin' and swords swingin' this way and that. In the fracas me hand got chopped off.”

“Zounds!" remarked the sailor. "And how came ye by the eye patch?”

"A seagull droppin' fell into me eye", answered the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.

“Well..." said the pirate, "..it was me first day with the hook.”
1776 ................... what happened!

Offline Rural53

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #35 on: March 19, 2019, 11:07:45 PM »
 :D :D :D

Offline Rural53

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #36 on: March 19, 2019, 11:08:55 PM »
...

Offline pep

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #37 on: March 20, 2019, 06:27:31 AM »
Wednesday:
Camel celebrity day
We have Secretary's day and now HUMP day

Pep
1776 ................... what happened!

Offline Rural53

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #38 on: March 27, 2019, 05:45:15 AM »
...

Offline pep

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #39 on: March 27, 2019, 07:22:51 AM »
LOL ........... gotta love some folks sense of humor ...


1776 ................... what happened!

Offline Heiny57

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #40 on: March 27, 2019, 08:18:31 PM »
MAGA

If you can’t fix it with a hammer, it must be electrical.

Offline bonneyman

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #41 on: April 03, 2019, 10:11:30 AM »
I have this small plastic pail of loose parts, knobs, and pieces of scrap in my shop. Just about everyone who comes in there and sees this pail laughs. I never really thought about it until this morning.
I had to come up with a statement that said what the odd stuff was - wasn't trying to be funny just descriptive, short and sweet.

So, while others have projects waiting for parts, I have this:

"Parts waiting 4 a project".
« Last Edit: April 03, 2019, 02:13:48 PM by bonneyman »

lostmind

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #42 on: April 28, 2019, 10:06:24 AM »
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs.
Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a
graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family
or friends, so the service was to be at the pauper's cemetery
in Nova Scotia back country. As I was not familiar
with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man,
I didn't stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had
evidently gone, and the hearse was nowhere in sight.
There were only the digger crew left --- and
they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized
to the men for being late.

I went down to the side of the grave and looked down
and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know
what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to
gather around. I played my heart and soul for this
homeless man and as I played "Amazing Grace,"
the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept,
we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up
my bagpipes and started for my car.
Though my head was hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the
workers say, "I never saw anything like that before,
and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

Apparently, I'm still lost....it's a man thing.

Offline muddy

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #43 on: April 28, 2019, 08:11:20 PM »
Haha

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lostmind

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Re: Some humor
« Reply #44 on: April 30, 2019, 07:28:26 AM »
.